Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
