You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
