He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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