didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize