Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
