he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
