I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
