Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
