An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
