Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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