just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
