maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
