If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
