And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
