I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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