I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think people are normalizing furries
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
