I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
