Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I AM VODKA MAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
