I think my vagina is haunted
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
