There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
