Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
