you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
