You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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