this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
