On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
