You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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