tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
