Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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