If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
