omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
