So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
