She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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