dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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