i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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