In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
