Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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