If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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