Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
