Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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