Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
