I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
