forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
