are you still at the devil's house?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
