Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
