Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
