Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
