i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
