I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize