Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
