your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize