My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish you could order shots online.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
