I am puke
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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