So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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