He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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