Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
