I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
