Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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