Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
