Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
