It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
