How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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