If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
