I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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