He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
