Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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