Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently you make a good broom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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