I wish my penis had an off switch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
