I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
