why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
