In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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