..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
