The maid of honor just puked.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
