I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
