Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
