Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry CaptainStabbin20 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(206): View more from Washington

i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...

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(618): View more from Illinois

You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID

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