I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
