i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
