It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
