I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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