i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
