Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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