I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
