remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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